Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

Part One
How Your Parents Shape Your Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Body Image

1 Our Parents as Mirrors 9

2 The Seven Types of Negative Parental Mirrors 29

3 Your Body as a Mirror 63

4 How Mirror Therapy Works 77

Part Two
Shattering Your Distorted Parental Mirror

5 Rejecting Your Parents’ Negative Reflection 87

6 Emotionally Separating from Your Parents 104

7 Quieting and Countering Your Inner Critic 117

Part Three
Creating a New Mirror

8 Looking Deeper into the Mirror: Discovering the Real You 139

9 Providing for Yourself What You Missed as a Child 156

10 Learning to Love Your Body 175

Part Four
Specialized Help

11 If You Were Neglected, Rejected, or Abandoned: Healing the “I Am Unlovable” and “I Am Worthless” Mirrors 187

12 If You Were Overprotected or Emotionally Smothered: Healing the “I Am Nothing without My Parent” Mirror 204

13 If You Were Overly Controlled or Tyrannized: Healing the “I Am Powerless” Mirror 212

14 If You Had Overly Critical, Shaming, or Perfectionistic Parents: Healing the “I Am Bad,” “I Am Unacceptable,” and “I Am Not Good Enough” Mirrors 220

15 If You Had a Self-Absorbed or Narcissistic Parent: Healing the “I Don’t Matter” Mirror 229

16 Continuing to Heal 238

Appendix: Recommended Therapies 243

References 249

Recommended Reading 251

Index 255

About the Author

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized expert in emotional and sexual abuse. She is the author of several other self-help books, including the highly successful The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Loving Him without Losing You, and The Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel conducts workshops and professional training programs and has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Starting Over, Donahue, and Ricki Lake.