Introduction: Orientation to College Angst
1. The Most Difficult Time to Get Into College in the History of
the World
Frightening statistics, shocking pie charts, depressing bar
graphs
2. Let the Anxiety Begin
Why you need a bunch of expensive helpers to get your kid to write
a decent two-page essay
3. The Early Years
Yes, you really do need to kiss up to the director of the Yellow
Balloon Preschool
4. Lining Up Your Ducks
It’s never to early to begin padding your resume
5. The College List
How to narrow down the list to 29
6. The College Tour
The trip of a lifetime: Quality bonding or a damaged relationship
forever?
7. Testing
Hands down, the worst part of the admissions process (until your
kid gets a 2260)
8. The Essay
Let your “you” shine through, even if it's a you conjured up by an
independent college counselor
9: The Uncommon App
OMG! I was supposed to get awards? And have activities? They’re
telling me that now?
10. Advanced Application Strategies
Organizational advice and obscure last-minute passions for teens
and their meddling parents
11. Financial Aid
Can anyone spare $250K?
12. Diversity
Transgenderism, the Lost Boys of Sudan, North Dakota and more
13. Waiting
At this point in the process, your teen is probably not speaking to
you, so it’s time to let go of your controlling ways
14. Rejected/Deferred
What to expect when they’re rejecting
15. Accepted
What a relief! Now your child can forget about changing the world
and go back to playing video games
16. Separation Anxiety
If you’re the emotional type, skip this chapter
17. Bed Bath & Bye-Bye
Empty nests on sale—20% off
18. College Life
“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want to get an
education, go to the library”—Frank Zappa
19. Round Two
Having a second child gives you the chance to make the same lame
mistakes all over again, plus many new ones
20. Barista Readiness
A college degree is fine, but at the end of the day, they’d better
know how to prepare a venti, sugar-free, nonfat, vanilla soy,
double-shot, decaf, no-foam, extra-hot, peppermint white chocolate
mocha with extra syrup
The Neurotic Parent Glossary
Ongoing promotion and publicity tied to continuing author speaking engagements
J.D. Rothman: J.D. (Judy) Rothman is an Emmy-winning
screenwriter and lyricist specializing in comedy and children's
programming. She coped with the stress of her son's
college-application process by becoming the blogger The Neurotic
Parent, which later inspired the book. She also contributed to I'm
Going to College, Not You (St. Martin's).
"If you need a good laugh at how crazy the college admissions process has become, this is a book for you. Rothman, a television comedy writer, subtly weaves good advice about encouraging students to strike a healthy balance, find their passion and communicate that to colleges." -- Charlotte Observer
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